Will Rogers

• Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

• Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

• There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

• Never miss a good chance to shut up.

• Always drink upstream from the herd.

• If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

• There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

• If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

• Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

• After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER…

First – Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second – The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third – Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Fourth – When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth – You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth – I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh – One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.

Eighth – One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth – Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth – Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.

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