That Guilty Feeling

[Loretta Riddell (Elohi)]

I try to believe  I have a purpose

Yet another announcement

Left me  feeling guilty

In younger years I was so  thankful

To survive cancer  and to  be able to raise my children

To hear the cry of my unborn child

That doctors insisted I should  terminate before birth

Doctors who told me I would not survive

I lived by Faith and believing in my God

But as  I got older I many times faced

Why them and not me

It happened when  a Son was lost to Cancer

It happened as I held the hand of my  younger Sister

When Cancer took her  from me and the Family she had

When a Marine Brother lost his battle

To Cancer caused by Agent Orange

and heart problems

As other Army Brothers are being diagnoised with  Cancers caused

While they  served in Vietnam

And another announced  he has  limited time due to brain cancer

The why them and not me

Knowing  they all are  10 years or more  younger than me

Again leaves me with that guilty feeling

I  fight to  believe

There is a reason

That I survived

Trying to accept that which I can change

Accept  that which I cannot change

Yet it still leaves that

Guilty feeling

Written By
©Loretta Riddell

11\10\2014