Looking at the past life is sometimes painful but a must in order to heal
and move on...Feeling sometimes like my Grandmother Hattie who was
Blackfoot who used to cry and wonder where her village was, where was
her family members , marriage to a white man and migrating to another
state left much of her heart and mind in limbo..The want and need to know
The love she had in her new family, the feeling of being unworthy of what
she had by those who never tried to know her.. She struggled she knew
she had been blessed with a good marriage a good man and children of
great courage who would face life as half bred to be outcasts to some but
embraced by those who counted.
Hattie was one of those who lived in my heart and soul. She was the spirit
who guided me many times through my life... Especially when I started
questioning who I was, questioning the reasons some thought I was not
worthy of being a member of my own family..Questions many times kill
a part of your soul until you find a way to forgive and move on. Realizing
all the trials divorced parents, estranged brothers, dealing with a sexual
predator, fighting cancer, and burying sons ...and so much more while
raising my own family.
Through life many guided me Hattie, Rubie and many others, teaching me I
did have a purpose in life sheltering little ones who had traveled a path similar
to the path I had traveled years earlier, counseling young mothers fighting
cancer, caring about those with war torn hearts and their families.. So many
times they picked me up talking to my soul, teaching me Forgiveness,
Understanding, Caring, Compassion and Patience..At other times the picked me
up and led me on a path that my husband call going where angels fear to tread.
which usually left me with a serene feeling of Love and Forgiveness..
And now with both parents gone, both loved, one blood brother gone who
died hating me , hating his father for reasons unknown to everyone except him.
His angry words forgiven because I loved him no matter what..the passing of two
step brothers who did love me for who I was and left me with cherished
memories.leaving me with one brother, my fathers Son..
Again a New Year and my guiding Spirits have picked me up and moved me on
to try and rebuild a bridge that was torn down by others through their own
personal trials, and if God is is the Heavens I will get to know my Baby Brother
who has lived a life that I really know very little about.. If God is Merciful
That bridge will remain strong until the end of my time on earth ..
I truely believe through him all things are pssible