Looking at the Past, Living in the Present,

[Loretta Riddell (Elohi)]

Looking at the past life is sometimes painful but a must in order to heal 

and move on...Feeling sometimes like my  Grandmother Hattie who was

Blackfoot who used to cry and wonder where her village  was, where was  

her family  members , marriage to a white man and migrating to another

state left  much of her heart and mind in limbo..The want and need to know

The love she had in her new  family, the  feeling of being unworthy of what

she  had  by  those who never tried to know her.. She struggled she knew

she had been blessed with a good marriage a good man and  children of

great courage who would face life as  half bred to be outcasts to some  but

embraced by those who counted.

Hattie was one of those who  lived in my heart and soul. She was  the spirit

who  guided  me many times through my life... Especially when I started

questioning who I was, questioning the reasons some thought I was not

worthy of being a  member of my own family..Questions many times kill

a part of your soul until you  find a way to forgive and move on. Realizing

all the trials divorced parents, estranged brothers, dealing with a sexual

predator, fighting cancer, and  burying  sons ...and so much more while

raising my own family.

Through life  many guided me  Hattie, Rubie and many others,  teaching me I

did have a purpose in life sheltering  little ones who had traveled  a path similar

to  the path I had traveled years earlier, counseling  young mothers fighting

cancer, caring about those with war torn hearts  and  their families.. So many

times  they picked me up  talking to my soul, teaching me Forgiveness,

Understanding, Caring, Compassion and Patience..At other times the picked me

up and led me on a path  that my husband call going where angels fear to tread.

which usually left me with a  serene feeling of Love and Forgiveness..

And now with both parents gone, both loved, one blood brother gone who

died hating me , hating his father for reasons  unknown   to everyone except him.

His angry words forgiven because I loved him no matter what..the passing of two

step brothers who did love me for who I was  and left me with  cherished

memories.leaving me with one brother, my fathers Son..

Again a New Year and my  guiding Spirits have picked me  up and moved me on

to try and rebuild a bridge that was torn down  by others through their own

personal trials, and if God is  is the Heavens  I will get  to know  my Baby Brother

who has lived a life that  I really know very little about.. If God is Merciful

That bridge will remain strong until the end of my  time on earth ..

I truely believe through him all things are pssible