I remember being told once that you can't ever go home again,
well you can but not to the home you left that rainy day in 66.
I look out the window at the rain washing down the streets of my Southern California town
and shiver at the cold 49 degree weather.
" I'm still in Vietnam" I whisper wondering if I'll really ever return from that hell hole,
it's only 10 AM and I'm already on my 3rd scotch of the day heading to 10 or more before dark.
No the town is the same so are the streets the Rose Hills sign above the town- the water tower.
I'm what's different, the bullet scar on my hip just recovering from the blood poisoning from that rice patty run off into the river along with what ever else flowed into it..the looks I get from people I don't even know or wish to know..three months now I've been "home" My folks trying to act like nothing has changed but walking on pins and needles around me wondering when the next dream will come the screams at 3 am.
Court day is past judgement rendered I walked on an assault and battery charge from changing some
long- hairs attitude about spitting in my presence with a warning that my future out of prison was bleak indeed if I couldn't change my ways..and seeing as I didn't think that was possible I had to change my location like get away from people at least the kind of people around me here.
Has it been fifty years
I can still remember the decision made that bleak December day and because I made it
I am here today,with no real regrets..oh there are some changes I would make if I could have a "do over" but not many.. for all that happened in that 'then to now" time has made me who and what I am today and along the way some people are alive that wouldn't be if I had taken a different path.
A car accident into a river in 75 I pulled a kid out.. parents drunk.. left as soon as I could afraid of what I knew could be me standing there.
Avalanche in Alaska together with 3 others rescued several people some with broken bones one with a compound fracture of his femur with the artery partially severed I tied it off, loosening it every 15 min.for over an hour till we got him to a hospital..guy kept his leg..no big deal just Alaska
but since I'd had several drinks before the slide I split the scene as the hippies say. These were just common occurrences in my life and times and I guess I was lucky too.
So sometimes when I get envious of someone or something and get to thinking that maybe if I had listened to my parents and got help (not available at the time) and went back to school I'd have that split-level ranch and six kids etc. I stop and remember that at least 2 others wouldn't have a future at all if I had..and so like I said no regrets soooo wouldn't change anything well maybe being treed by that moose for several hours or having sex with that gal in Denver and all the "Blue Ointment" it caused me..but hardly anything.